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Happy new year everyone!I know I am a little late in making this new year's blog post. I had it all figured out in my mind on the evening of the last day of 2013, but somehow I couldn't find the time to write this. I wanted this post to be elaborate. 2013 was a year of learning. That statement is true down to every word and every alphabet.
The year started with us moving out of our first home. It was a small, cozy place which we built with our hands. And then, just like that, we decided to leave it. The decision didn’t really hit me until I was practically moving. I composed myself and so did Ferrari. I learnt that I may not live in the same place I call home, if I try hard, I can make any place a home. With Ferrari by my side.
2013 started on a sad note with a family member leaving for her eternal abode. I was in time for the funeral. Frankly, while I was on the way, I had no idea how this can be a part of healing. But it was. I learnt healing lay in facing your grief but not to dwell in it for long. My phupo was our companion since birth; she was someone who was always there, but when she wasn’t, I learnt to let go. Letting go is never easy is it? It was the hardest thing to let go: to call her and not hear an answer. I knew then and I know now that wherever she is, she still loves us. I learnt to have faith in love.
My phupo left for some unknown, but a certainly happy place, but she left with us, with me, a strange realization. I realized I cried for her because she left so much for us to remember and cherish. And then, the next obvious question: who will cry for me when I am gone? What will be my legacy? Am I leaving something to be remembered and cherished? Sadly, the answer was no. I learnt I needed to be someone better.
Following this heart wrenching realization, things took an uncertain turn. We, all of a sudden, decided it was time to quit job and move a whole country. Something kept pushing us on; something as fragile and as strong as blind faith. We were clearly being driven, out of our control, to a new destination of which we knew nothing. Even the name was new! Kneeling in prostration, we thanked Allah for this new opportunity, whatever it had in store for us, and started winding up everything. Seeing our home get sold bit by bit was definitely a heart breaking, but I learnt to be strong for the person I loved. We left everything behind on a strange faith that seemed to nudge us forward. I learnt to take the blinding leap of faith.
Above so many other things that I cannot find words to express…
I learnt to open my heart,
I learnt to that relying on our own instincts is the best decision we could make,
I learnt God’s love is never exhaustive and completely unconditional,
And thanks to Ferrari, I learnt to give what I didn’t have.
If every year could be like this year has been for me, then no year will pass by in sadness. 2013 has been a wonderful time for me to grow, whether in happiness or sadness. If one year could change someone’s perspective on life altogether, then for me it was the year that was.
If you are a friend, or a family member, or some distant cousin or aunt, or someone who lives across the street, and not forgetting if you were just a passerby who taught me something through an act of kindness, or maybe someone I only heard of for a so and so quality, I want to thank you for teaching me kindness and goodness and generosity, humbleness and friendship and affection. I have a lot to learn from you, but at least you’ve got me thinking. If you are someone who broke ties with me, or someone whom I have hurt, I am sorry for not being the best I can be and for being ignorant. I hope to be a better person to you.
To my parents, thank you for bearing with me. I have been a very stubborn child to raise. There have been so many times I have made you climb up the wall. I am sorry for the carelessness shown in plain ignorance. I hope you will find it in your big hearts to forgive me for the millionth time and give me a chance to be a better daughter. To my brothers, I have been far from being the perfect eldest, but I am so sorry for not putting out a better example for you to follow. I promise to make up for it and be there for you when you need me. I promise to love you both always and no matter what.
And last but not the least, to my husband, thank you for always being there for me. I have been a difficult person to be with. But your unending patience has made me a better partner, I hope! You have taught me love, kindness and patience. You have simmered me down and I love what you have done to me! You make me want to be a better person each day. With you, I can look forward to the future with hope and a smile on my face. Thank you for being who you are. Thank you for accepting me with all my weaknesses and thank you for always focusing on my strengths.
Happy New Year people! May you have a blessed, blessed year ahead; a year tenfold happier than this.